The Gratitude Shift That Can Save Your Thanksgiving

The Gratitude Shift That Can Save Your Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is amazing… until it’s not.
 Family drama. Stress. That one uncle. The comments you wish you didn’t hear.
 But what if ONE mindset shift could help you enjoy the day instead of surviving it?

In this quick Thanksgiving special, Ben and Cortni talk about the real secret to gratitude — not the cheesy, forced kind, but the kind that changes your emotions fast.

Inside, you’ll learn:

• Why gratitude is a choice (not a feeling)
• How to get unstuck when family triggers you
• The mindset mistake most parents make at holidays
• A simple way to shift your focus in under 10 seconds
• How to stop absorbing everyone else’s energy
• What to do when Grandma says something wild

Whether you’re listening on Thanksgiving Day or just trying not to lose your cool this weekend, this episode is your reset button.

You’re not your thoughts. You’re the thinker of your thoughts — and that’s where your power is.

Happy Thanksgiving! 🦃

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Transcript

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 0:00

All right guys. Welcome back. This is a Thanksgiving special. One of the cool things, Cortni, I don't know if you realize this, but my podcast comes out on Thursdays. You should listen to it some days. It's really good.

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 0:16

Mm-hmm.

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 0:16

Um, since it comes out on Thursdays. That means every year there is one specific holiday that we nail dead on, and it happens to be my favorite holiday. Do you know what this is?

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 0:31

Halloween,

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 0:32

Oh my goodness. Come on, Cortni.

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 0:34

Your birthday.

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 0:36

Tha No. My birthday isn't on Thanksgiving this year, but Thanksgiving, I don't know if you've noticed this, but it always comes out on Thursdays too, the fourth Thursday of the 11th. So, you know how have you ever watched like a tv? Oh, like friends or other shows? Friends actually has a Thanksgiving episode. They're kind of famous for their Thanksgiving episodes. But you know how most TV shows have like a Christmas episode and it's lighter and it's fun, and there's bright Christmas lights. Cortni, this is our Thanksgiving episode.

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 1:13

Is that why you're dressed as a Turkey?

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 1:16

Cortni, people can go see the video and they know I'm not dressed as a Turkey.

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 1:19

I suggest they do and see that you do have feathers.

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 1:23

Okay? Yeah. Come watch the video. I do not have feathers. Spoiler Here's the thing, Cortni We are going to talk

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 1:31

Stop calling me out. I'm not ungrateful.

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 1:34

what we're thought of

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 1:36

I mean, yes, it might sound like superficial or petty, but yeah,

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 1:43

Okay. Do you wanna go first or do you want me to tell you what I'm doing for Okay.

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 1:47

So I don't know if we've talked or done a podcast since, but we had a lot of water damage in our home.

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 1:53

Yeah,

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 1:53

I tell you that?

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 1:54

I remember about this.

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 1:55

Uh, it has been a process and they're only about to start rebuilding, but of it, I'm getting all new cabinets in the laundry room and all new cabinets in the mud room, and we're able to put a bathroom back in Williams' room. So for that, I'm very grateful. So it has been worth of this stress and disaster for the last month.

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 2:23

Yeah. I love that. That is such a powerful example because how do most people think and feel about water damage and insurance claims?

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 2:34

No, not good.

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 2:36

Yeah,

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 2:36

fun at the start.

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 2:38

I, I believe it. I used to do remodels and building and I've had to address water damage, and most people are like, man, this sucks. This is. Not good. I'm not happy. And for you like to change your perspective and actually find things to be grateful about. Like I, I did one restoration, it was a big fancy house and the insurance really took care of them. We did a good job. We, they were able to upgrade their house and probably, mm-hmm. For about$50,000, probably increase the value of their home by well over a hundred thousand just'cause it's more up to date, more modern. And this woman was still just this grumpy old scrooge and like, oh, this shouldn't have even happened in the first place. I'm like, okay, whatever. So

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 3:32

But

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 3:33

I love that. That is a perfect example of gratitude.

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 3:37

Yeah. And since we're talking and you told me I am ungrateful, I have several other things that have come to me in the last 30 seconds. being like having a physical therapist that not only like heals my body, but Maxwell's now seeing her. Mean William's been seeing her, but Maxwell, I mean, he struggles with his lower extremities and she's just so healing and I'm super grateful for her. Like

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 4:01

Yeah.

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 4:01

feel better physically, emotionally, like just, thank you Dina. I am so grateful for you.

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 4:09

I'm grateful for you two because Co to me when she feels good physically. So thank you.

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 4:16

it's facts.

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 4:18

Um, spoiler alert. Next week you'll hear about my new physical therapist. Uh,

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 4:28

Oh,

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 4:29

therapist name is chatty. Chatting GPT. Anyways, I also hired another one, but you'll have to tune in next week because this is our short, special Thanksgiving edition and I wanted to tell you what I'm grateful f ungrateful on my list because you are able to identify, and I want to point out the power of this. It was a mental shift. You had to move your attention to literally find things that you're grateful for, right?

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 5:03

Yes, I have lots of things I'm grateful for.

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 5:06

Yeah. But you don't notice'em if you're not actively looking. In the next podcast, guys, I can see the future. In the next podcast episode, Cortni is going to say, you find what you look for, and this is true in this one.

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 5:20

Yes. Oh my goodness.

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 5:23

So.

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 5:23

that comes true.

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 5:25

I, I hope it does. Hopefully Deb doesn't cut that part out,'cause then we'll both be liars.

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 5:30

Hmm.

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 5:31

Here's what I'm grateful for. I am really grateful to be on this podcast. The podcast is still probably my favorite part of my business. I love this podcast. I love helping parents. I love when people reach out to me and they're like, Hey, I'll listen to your podcast. Thank you. I love. That you, the listener on Thanksgiving, or if it's not on Thanksgiving and it's like Friday and you're just burned out with a family and you're like, I need to go listen to Ben and Cortni. I'm grateful you're here. Thank you for supporting us. Thank you for being here. And seriously, I have been so blessed lately with clients. I love the clients that I have right now. And to be near capacity, like. Now that football's over, I have a few extra slots, but man, I'm just grateful that I get to talk about something that I'm passionate about all the time, and that I make enough money that I can take care of my family. I don't get new cabinets in my mudroom, which Deb was just telling me she wished we would've done our mudroom better, but whatever. I have exactly what I want, like. I get to spend time with my family. I don't have the financial freedom that I have yet or that I want to have yet, but I am so lucky to have the time freedom that I want.

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 6:55

Mm-hmm.

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 6:56

I was able to coach high school football. My son is playing basketball. We live in a really small town in Utah. Some of our games are three hours away, and I'm lucky enough I he can hear it.

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 7:16

But I think my husband's home so

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 7:18

Just Amazon goes to her house 10 times a day. Like, oh, he,

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 7:22

ring the doorbell, they just drop off packages.

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 7:23

oh yeah, that's true. Um, so the thing I wanted to talk about, gratitude is a choice. And if you are stuck in some emotions that you don't like. Choose gratitude. It's a mental choice when you choose, rather than wishing I had something else where you choose, like if you think about wanting, oh yeah, there's a She Crow song that I talk about. Are you the One of my friends that's friends with Cheryl Crow? Kind of.

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 7:54

No, I'm not friends with Sheryl Crowe.

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 7:56

Okay. I have another friend, I can't remember who it is, but like hung out with her in high school and everything. Anyways, there's a She Crow song that's like, it's not. Having what you want. It's,

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 8:08

what you have,

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 8:10

yeah,

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 8:10

you got.

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 8:11

yeah. That sounds better in the song, but that's gratitude. And in our culture, in our society, we suck at gratitude as suit. Like there are studies that talk about this when someone buys a new car. The gratitude for that new car rubs off really quick, and now they're wishing they had the next car. We spend a lot of time and effort wanting what we don't have, which makes us unhappy, and if you can catch yourself doing that, like if you're feeling stress, angry, anxiety. Down in the dumps, get into gratitude. Start appreciating what you have, and it will change your whole mental picture. So for this Thanksgiving special, we just wanted to come to you real quick, let you know that we're thankful for you, and invite you to practice gratitude even if it is just one Thursday

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 9:15

Yeah, so let's say hypothetically someone's at Thanksgiving dinner with their family and they're frustrated because, know, this grandma or uncle is. Doing whatever they do. Yeah. Something like, and they just go outside and listen to this podcast on Thanksgiving. can, like, can you give them any tips to shift their focus, to think about something that they're grateful for so they can go inside and tolerate that's not, that's not being grateful. Um, so that they can go inside with a grateful heart rather than

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 9:51

Yeah. First thing I would say is really own the fact that you are the thinker of your thoughts. One of the biggest mistakes we make as human beings is we just think, oh, I'm my thoughts. I feel mad, therefore I am mad. Or. I can't change it. You like Donald Trump? I don't like Donald. Like I'm just the at the mercy of my thoughts. The truth is if you can realize, no, I am my thought, or I am the thinker of my thoughts, I am responsible. For how I think that awareness gives you the power to choose and basically how our thoughts work. A lot of people don't realize this, like we can't control all of our thoughts. You have 60,000 thoughts that come into our mind every day. You can't control all of your thoughts, but you get to choose what thoughts you give attention to. Now when I sprung this on Cortni and I'm like, Hey, we're doing this podcast on gratitude. She's like, ah, I don't know what I'm grateful for. It took her a few minutes to tap into, no, no. What am I grateful for? What is it? What is i You find what you look for. And so if you have to step outside because grandma is saying some crazy racist stuff or like whatever it is that sets you off at Thanksgiving time, get out and realize, oh, I'm blaming grandma, but grandma's not the problem. It's me. I can control me. Where's my focus? What am I focused on? That's making me feel this way. Get that awareness and then ask yourself, well, what can I be grateful for? What's working for me? What's something that I wouldn't trade for the whole world? And just shift your focus. Cortni, you talked about going to physical therapy. I'm doing some work on my low back. There are movements that I very intentionally have to make. And if I don't do it intentionally, I do it wrong and I'm moving the wrong muscles. This is similar. If you can be aware like, oh, I'm unintentionally focusing on this. I'm going to intentionally move my attention. Sometimes there are physical things that you can do to move your attention. Uh, touch is a powerful thing. Like say you're pissed off at Grandma. If there's someone. There that you're like, man, I'm really glad you're here this year. Go touch'em on the shoulder and say, Hey, thanks for coming. You're my favorite uncle, or whatever. But be intentional. Even if it's for a second. There are studies to back this up, but just seconds of gratitude can change the chemical makeup of your body, how you respond to certain things for hours. Whereas just seconds of ratitude or stress, anger, that can change how you respond to things and gratitude is a really good redirect. It neutralizes the old and sets you on a new path that is a little more lasting. So hopefully that answers your question. That's a really good question. Good. I didn't tell you that question.

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 13:11

what

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 13:12

Well, I didn't even like set you up or prompt you.

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 13:15

absolutely not. Why would you ever have to do that while you were chatting, um, I was thinking, I try to work on my kids with this too, and it's something that I work on every day, is you don't have to absorb everything that someone does, whether they're saying something you don't like or doing something you don't like, why do you have to take it personal and absorb it? Don't waste your energy on that. So if grandma's saying something like, just walk somewhere else, or just don't let it bother you. Like don't let it fester. If it has nothing to do with you, take that on.

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 13:50

Yeah.

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 13:50

get some pie.

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 13:51

What's that old saying? Someone who takes offense when. No offense was intended, is a fool. Someone who takes offense when offense is intended is a bigger fool. Like, just don't take offense.

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 14:08

Yeah.

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 14:09

Yeah. I'm dealing with something like that on the board that I am on for a credit union. Um, there are some changes that I think need to be made. I we're borderline breaking the rules in some area, and I'm the one calling it out. Like, guys, we need to change this. And seriously, it reminds me of the old middle school mentality of like, snitches get stitches, bro. Like keep your mouth shut. And like, I'm like taking the heat for this and I'm letting it, like I couldn't sleep till like two o'clock in the morning the other day, but. I'm letting this outside factor, this external thing, steal my focus. And like sometimes I just have to like get into gratitude. And the thing is, like one of the board member, he doesn't even know how to listen to podcasts. I'm probably safe, but like just really old and old fashioned and thinks that we shouldn't hire people. Have piercings that aren't the traditional just one end your ear, like just old stuff. And I'm like, guys, look, we gotta do better. The thing is, I notice we had a staff meeting just the other day. When I focus on the other people and what I don't want to have happening, that's when I get stressed. That's when I get angry. I'm out of emotional control when I focus on me and I'm like, no, it isn't my job to make the other board members agree with me. It's my job as a board member to represent the members of the credit union and to be professional about it and have tough conversations. And the amazing thing is when I focus on my job, I, it isn't my job to make sure these people aren't mad at me.

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 16:03

Mm-hmm.

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 16:03

job to be me. It just changes how I feel and I'm grateful to be on the board. Like they fed me really good food the other night and I'm like, man, I'm just glad I'm here. I want to keep being here. I'm just gonna do me. I'm telling you, shift your attention. You are not your thoughts. You are the thinker of your thoughts. You get to choose where you place your attention.

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 16:26

Yes,

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 16:28

Co Special.

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 16:30

I think it was great you didn't ruffle your Turkey feathers. Not one bet.

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 16:35

Awesome. Yeah. Well, I'm not a Turkey. I don't even like ruffles. Potato chips. No, just

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 16:43

Potato.

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 16:44

potato chip.

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 16:44

Lord. Oh,

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 16:47

Okay. All right guys. We are truly thankful you're here. I have a good Thanksgiving. Uh, those, I have a bunch of people in Canada that listen, your Thanksgiving was last month. Hope you enjoyed it, but. If you want, come down and join us for ours. That's awesome.

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 17:04

Hmm,

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 17:05

All right, well we'll be back next week. Cortni will be here for sure next week.

cort-guest989_2_11-21-2025_124730 17:11

for sure.

ben_9_11-21-2025_114730 17:13

We'll see you then. I.