How to Create a 10-Word Vision Statement

In this episode, we’ll teach you how to create a 10-word vision statement to guide your parenting! A vision statement helps you stay focused on being the parent you want to be, even during tough times.

Join Ben and his co-host, Cortni, as they break down the simple steps to create your vision statement. You’ll learn how to reflect on your values, question your parenting identity, and build stronger connections with your teen.

Ben and Cortni also share real-life stories, tips, and tools, including how quiet time (and even ChatGPT) can help you brainstorm ideas. This episode is packed with helpful advice to make parenting easier, more fun, and more intentional.

Tune in and start creating your 10-word vision statement today!

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why a vision statement is so important for parents.
• How to brainstorm words that describe the parent you want to be.
• Ways to use your vision statement every day.

Let us know your 10-word vision statement—we’d love to hear it! Just click "SEND BEN A TEXT"

Ready to parent with love, confidence, and curiosity? Hit play now!

Want a Simple Step by Step Parenting Debrief Guide?

Go download the FREE Parenting Debrief Guide.

It’s simple and quick. It will help you uplevel your parenting. And, it’s completely FREE!

1. Go to benpughcoaching.com/debrief
2. Download the debrief
3. Start with your own internal debrief.

Transcript

Ben: 0:00

I'm Ben Pugh and you're listening to IMPACT! Parenting with Perspective. This podcast is all about helping parents manage the mental and emotional drama that comes with parenting teens so they can focus on what's most important. Building rock solid relationships and having a powerful impact on their teen's life. Join me each week as I dive into real tools to help you and your teen turn struggles into strengths. All right, guys. Welcome back to the podcast. those of you watching on YouTube, thank you for being here again. I am with my new and favorite co host Cortni, so last time we talked about the benefit of having your own 10 word vision statement. Today we're going to walk you through how to create your own 10 word vision statement. And I want to share a little bit of a story. And then Cortni is going to counter my story with what she remembers of her first time doing this. So recently I, I've been feeling a little bit lost in my business. I'm like, man, where do I want to take it? I do want to do live events. I want to do coaching. And I was like, man, I feel like I need a 10 word vision statement for my business, which that thought happened before I started reading the book that I'm currently on called beyond entrepreneurship 2. 0. So one day I went to chat GPT and I typed in, I have the prompt right here. I was like, Hey, are you familiar with my 10 word vision statement? Vision statement process for parents. Now, this is my chat GPT where I put stuff in. It knows me pretty well. I don' Cortni, you should try later when we're not on the air and you can crush me by letting me know that chat GPT has no idea who I am. But anyways, my chat GPT was like, yes, Ben, I'm familiar with your 10 word vision statement process. And I was like, awesome. Could you walk me through those steps? To help me come up with a 10 word vision statement for my business. And it was awesome. Like it asked me some questions like, Hey, what do you value? how would you want to describe yourself? And it helped me come up with awesome 10 word vision statements for my business. Now, Cortni, go ahead and tell us what you remember from the first time that I taught this to you.

Cortni: 2:38

I will gladly.

Ben: 2:39

group, right?

Cortni: 2:41

Yeah, it was a group coaching call. Um, I just have one question for you. When you talk to chat GPT, do you say, Hey, chat GPT? Like, do you address it? Like, Hey,

Ben: 2:52

And I always ask, like,

Cortni: 2:54

thank you. Bye.

Ben: 2:56

I always tell it. Thank you. If AI takes over the world,

Cortni: 3:02

You want to be a good time.

Ben: 3:03

standing.

Cortni: 3:04

Okay. Okay. I get that. My husband used to say, thank you to Alexa or please, and I'm like, can you just ask her a question? Okay.

Ben: 3:12

well, hold on, let me just defend myself here. It's less about me being scared about AI taking over the world, and more about, that's just the type of person I want to be. Anyone who helps me, like, if I could train my dog to like, bring me something, I would be like, Hey, thanks for bringing me my shoes. Now, can you slap them on my feet for me? Like, I'm just a polite person, even to robots and AI.

Cortni: 3:42

That is, that is who you are. I agree. Um, well, I was saying before, I don't want to encourage people to just go to AI to have them come up with a 10 revision statement. When we were in those group coaching calls, I very clearly remember this day. Um, and you would make us take timeouts. And you would like set a timer and we'd have to just be quiet and write things out. And one thing that you said was question your identity. And I don't know if you can talk more about identity. Um, but you said, get vulnerable, get curious, explore where you are. Um, cause I think we have to figure out our identity first before we can know what kind of parent we want to be. Am I remembering that correctly?

Ben: 4:29

Yeah. And to the point of questioning your identity, a lot of us are operating. Inside the box or inside of the parameters of an identity that was given to us from our parents or from church leaders or our neighbors. And so when I talked about questioning your identity, It really is this process of exploring who do I want to be? Like, who am I right now? And like, for some people, I remember one mom, when she was looking at her identity, she's like, man, this is not who I want to be like me and my teenager fight all the time and to understand, well, that's part of your identity, what ways of being are creating you and your teen fighting. And for her, I remember she's like, well, I have to be right. Okay. But guess what? If you think you have to be right all the time and your parenting or your 10 word vision statement was something like, I'm the smartest parent ever. I never make any mistakes and I'm always right. You will be fighting with your kids all the time because. They think you're always wrong. And so when you can question that identity, like for this mom specifically, I remember her questioning that being like, I don't want to be right because that causes fighting. Like that's the power of questioning. always look at your reality. Look what. Your results are in your life. And that's like a mirror telling you what your identity is. And when you can start questioning based on that, once you, you ask yourself those questions that builds awareness and it's that awareness that then gives you the power to choose. A new identity going forward. Does that make sense?

Cortni: 6:28

Yeah, it does. And I also think not being right all the time, being able to admit when we're wrong teaches our children that it's okay to not be right all the time, to admit your mistakes and for them to feel safe to come to us when they make a mistake. Um, one of the things I wrote at the very top of my page, One of my biggest goals was to be a safe place for my son to come and talk. I didn't want to have judgment. I didn't want to react. I wanted him to feel safe coming to talk to me. And if I feel like I always have to be right, um, I don't know. I like, I want. Him to feel it's okay to make a mistake and still talk to me about it.

Ben: 7:08

Yeah. And I would add one more thing. This will kind of harken back to the first episode that we did, where I talk about letting go of things outside of your control and only controlling what you can control. Can you control whether or not your team feels safe in your presence? No. So while that's a worthy goal, like I don't want to poo poo on that goal and be like, Oh, don't even worry about your kids. I do want to redirect that to be something like, well, what is within your control? What are some things that you think would help your team feel safe? And then once you can identify that, you're like, Oh, I could not yell. Like if I just talk with calmness, that could help him feel safe. So yeah,

Cortni: 8:05

I wrote control my reactions, control my comments. And my son has said a few times, he's like, you don't always like, you don't have to say everything or say something every time, like, why do you always have questions after I say something? I'm like, I don't know. Cause I'm curious, like, but it really does annoy him. And so sometimes I think just listening is being that safe place for him to talk.

Ben: 8:26

yeah. Um, why do you think quiet time would be more GPT?

Cortni: 8:36

Because. You're forced to reflect and, and not have someone give you ideas and to just go with it. You know, it might be good to help get your mind going. Um, but I don't know, like you requested quiet time

Ben: 8:58

I, here's what I would do. So let's break this down into a step by step process. ChatGPT is optional, which just to get on my soapbox for a minute, schools, if any principals or teachers are listening, y'all are doing kids a serious disservice by not letting them use ChatGPT in school. We need to be teaching them how to use it ethically and honestly. I love ChatGPT. I use it all the time. But for this. I'm gonna side with Cortni, get into some silence. And don't let chat GPT take over. It can help you down the road, but for now really practice getting quiet, thinking, asking yourself these tough questions. And so if I were to break this down into steps, step one would be to. Brainstorm. What are some words that you would like to describe you? What are some of your values as a parent? What are some of the things that are important to you? How would you like your kids to describe you? Uh, if your friends were talking about you and bragging up, like, man, Cortni is a best mom, you should see how she handled this, like her teen was just going nuts and Cortni blank. You could fill in the blank and be like, calm, curious. And the first round of brainstorm, and I think I gave y'all probably two minutes because anytime you give someone time as a teacher, you don't realize this. It feels like an eternity just waiting. So two minutes would probably be a good amount of time and really just brainstorm one word answers, maybe two to three word phrases, but just little things like that to help describe you. So Cortni, any one word. Things come to mind for how you would like, what would represent you well as a mom.

Cortni: 11:01

that I would like to represent me or that currently do. Can I just read my list?

Ben: 11:08

Yeah. Read your list. Cortni, Cortni is cheating. She has her list from last time, but go ahead, read your list.

Cortni: 11:14

it's still work that I did in silence, mind

Ben: 11:17

Sure.

Cortni: 11:18

Um, so I wrote, it's for things that I would like to be as a parent. I wrote encouraging, supportive, show and exemplify unconditional love. One who listens. engaged, a fun, cool parent, seek to understand his values and giving him space to become his own person. Um, autonomy, like that was big for me. Um,

Ben: 11:48

Which by the way, you keep on trying to get me to read Mel Robbins book, the let them

Cortni: 11:56

very, yes.

Ben: 11:57

yeah. Which I've never used that phraseology in my coaching, but mine is all about like empowering conversations, empower your team. That's what she's talking about, right? Like, how can I give my teen autonomy? How can I empower them?

Cortni: 12:16

Um, yes and no. She's talking about let them, like, be so concerned about what they're doing. You can't control that, but you can control how you let them. Respond to it. Um, just another one of your, one of the things that you say, um, I think you'll just have to read it. I think it should go.

Ben: 12:38

to

Cortni: 12:40

feel like because I keep suggesting it, it keeps going down in your list.

Ben: 12:44

it's actually probably next on my list. I'm just working through this beyond entrepreneurship. Um, yeah, so really good. I love all those one word things. Some of my words that helped. So my current one is parenting with love, confidence, and curiosity is easy and fun. Um, I am very clear on what my top driving values are. And anyone who's worked with me, you've learned about values. I know that one of my biggest values is fun. Like, if it's not fun, I'm not Interested. So how can we make parenting fun? Um, easy is in there because I feel like I do some of my best work when it just comes naturally and easy confidence. That's probably one from working with a lot of moms that don't feel confident in their parenting. And I love it. I, I actually feel like I'm really confident in my parenting, probably overconfident sometimes, but I'm not overconfident. I do it with love and I do it with curiosity and these words come together to create my 10 word vision statement. So step two in the exercise, and this is one that we'll have to see if Cortni will allow it. I would allow you to use chat GPT, but you can take all of those words. And step two is to brainstorm as many 10 word vision statements as you can. Now in two minutes, typically when I work with parents, they'll come up with two to three, maybe four, 10 word vision statements over the course of the day. Two minutes. Cortni's like, what? Maybe come up with one.

Cortni: 14:32

I was lucky to come up with one.

Ben: 14:33

Yeah. Teens. They usually come up with two or three in the two minute timeframe. Uh, when I had chat GPT walked me through this process, um, it asked me questions and I was like, Hmm, I. So it asked me, what are some key words that I'd like to describe me? And I was like, fun, easy, exciting, uh, connection, impact, life changing, transformational, friendly, family focused, empowering. And from that in seconds, it gave me seven, 10 word vision statements. At this point. Of the process. I would like you to brainstorm as many 10 word vision statements as you can by yourself. Or if you're having chat GPT help you, if you come up with thousands, narrow that down to like six or seven, and that's step two of the process. And then, anything you want to add, Cortni, to step two of the process before we go on to the next one?

Cortni: 15:33

Yeah. Um, maybe I guess I haven't interacted with chat GPT enough because I didn't realize that would ask you questions. Um, like probe further into what you were after my concern with chat GPT would be like, cause you always say we're a herd mentality. Um, and so if it would just give you certain adjectives or words or what have you, um, That we would just go with it because like, okay, that sounds good. Like, yeah, I should do that. But that doesn't necessarily mean that that's the type of parent that we want to be. Maybe that's what we hear. Good parents are. So that's why I liked the silence part, but I do like that. It was asking you questions and digging further into what was important. You know, so you'd still have to come up with your own words. So I like that.

Ben: 16:23

That's groundbreaking, guys. Cortni will allow ChatGPT if you ask it to ask you questions. And you can seriously just come up with a prompt that's like, Hey, ChatGPT. I'm working on becoming a better parent. Are you mocking me right now?

Cortni: 16:41

No, I, Hey, chat GPT.

Ben: 16:45

Yeah. Be friendly with it. Hey, my friend, my dear friend, Chad, GPT. I'm working on becoming a better parent. Could you ask me questions that would help me better understand what my values are as a parent and what's important to me as a parent? And then Chad, GPT, I'll be like, yeah, sure. Um, what are some of your favorite things to do with your kids? Water and it'll just start to ask you questions that you probably wouldn't have thought of on your own. So for step two of the process, you can definitely use chat GPT. Um, here's step three of the process. Out of all the 10 word vision statements that you've come up with, they're all going to have something unique and something awesome. And what I'd like you to do is I'd like you to focus on everything that you came up with and really explore what is one 10 word vision statement that really speaks to me, where I am and where I want to be. And this can be a process. My 10 word vision statement is awesome. I think by the time I came up with my own, this really good one, I had probably taught it about 10 to 15 different times to groups of moms, and I would slowly steal one or two pieces from these moms. Cause I'd be like, Ooh, I really liked that one. I'm going to put that in my, Oh, I liked that one. I'm going to take that. It's okay. If it takes time, but ultimately come up with one. And here's step four in this process. Um, I have written mine, those watching on YouTube, I've got a three by five card. I would invite you to either on post it notes. That's one Stephanie, she was in our class forever ago. She's like, do I have to use a three by five card? And tape, or can I use a post it note, which has stickiness on the back? And I'm like, sure, whatever. What you want to do is once you identify your one 10 word vision statement, and we do want to narrow it down to one to help guide us and to that way, we're not going in too many different directions, but write it on a piece of paper. About five, three by five cards or three post it notes. I'm in five post it notes and I want you to hang it up in places where you will notice it throughout the day. When I did this, I had one on my office wall right here. So I'd see it as I came into my office, I had one above my bed. I had one on my mirror in my bathroom, I had one on the pantry door, and one on the fridge door. Because every time I go looking for food, I gotta see this thing. And the reason this is important, I'll share two reasons. Number one, we want the regular reminder so that we're like, Oh yeah, parenting with love, confidence, and curiosity is easy and fun. And that will just help remind you. Number two, this is my favorite. Back when my 18 year old was probably 15 or 16, I don't know. I was parenting doing my thing. We were butting heads and he's like, dad, I don't feel like you're being very loving or curious right now. And I was like, that's a weird thing to say. Where'd you get that? He's like, you're stupid little signs. And I was like, Dang, he's right. I am not being curious. I am not being loving. This is not who I want to be. And fortunately, I was able to swallow my pride. And I was like, man, you are right. I am not being the dad that I want to be. Thank you for the reminder. I'll do better. And that is a powerful motivator. When you know that your teen is watching you and what you're doing, and you know that they see you out of alignment with who you want to be,

Cortni: 20:43

Yeah,

Ben: 20:44

anything you'd like to add,

Cortni: 20:46

I mean, I think it's great. It helps us be accountable. It's allows our kids to see that we're continually working on ourselves and that we want to be better parents. And, um, no, I think that's great. I didn't honestly never hang up anything. Um, But I did

Ben: 21:04

as much,

Cortni: 21:08

but I still have the paper from two years ago. So,

Ben: 21:11

I know I'm impressed. I don't judge you at all. There's a reason you and I are talking about this. Number one, I saw your transformation. I saw the work that you put into this. And you are a fantastic parent. Um, also, like I told you, I'll just be completely vulnerable. Um, business slowed down a little bit and I was wondering, like, where do I want to be in my business? What do I want to do? And it's fun going back in time via your notes and realizing that, A, I am still very passionate about this stuff. And B, realizing that, man, I know so much more today than I did back then. And yet this is some of the very best stuff that I have ever taught. So I just want to thank you, even though you didn't hang up stuff last time, I'm sure you will this time, but I want to thank you for coming with your notes. And I, I don't even know where my notes would be from two years ago.

Cortni: 22:14

and you saw when I took off to go get them, I was back within 15 seconds. I knew where they were.

Ben: 22:20

I know for, Anyone out there who's wondering, Cortni is on top of things, and

Cortni: 22:28

Yeah.

Ben: 22:29

she has her crap together, so watch out.

Cortni: 22:32

No, I think this has sat by my nightstand for the last two years.

Ben: 22:35

Hey, it's good working on it. That's awesome.

Cortni: 22:38

Yeah.

Ben: 22:39

So, let's do this. Cortni, learning is sped up through accountability. So, I don't know how many people watched our last YouTube video, I don't know, probably like three, probably my son,

Cortni: 22:55

A hundred.

Ben: 22:56

oh yeah, billions, probably like, I

Cortni: 23:00

go ahead. How do you like how many? After

Ben: 23:03

don't know, a bunch. I could go look, but I'm worried, I know our last podcast had hundreds of people who listened to that, so, anyways,

Cortni: 23:14

you watch the letter, listen to the let them theory. We need to revisit Um,

Ben: 23:20

all of this.

Cortni: 23:21

leadership and self deception because I made a refresher in that. I felt so good when we were going through that part, but before, when you were talking about only having three viewers on our last YouTube video, I'll take three, but there was a quote that I brought up, um, because I've had friends be like, Oh, I'm such a bad mom or, you know, even if I would never say that about myself, cause I know I'm doing the best that I can, but this quote says, don't speak negatively about yourself, even as a joke. Your body doesn't know the difference. Words are energy and they cast spells. That's why it's called spelling. Change the way you speak about yourself and you can change your life.

Ben: 24:00

Who said that?

Cortni: 24:02

it says Bruce Lee. I don't know, but I saved it to my phone and I really liked it. Cause words are powerful. And if you continue to put those things out there negatively, um, you're going to have negative results. So if you have a, a powerful 10 word vision, word vision statement, that's positive, I feel like. You will reap what like it will come back to you for sure.

Ben: 24:27

Ah, so good. Amen to everything Cortni just said. Um, the thing I want to do, Cortni, by the time we record our next one, I would like you to have written your 10 word vision statement on at least 10 sticky notes or 3x5 cards or something and posted them around your house for increased visibility and increased accountability. I will do the same thing. Um, if I don't ask you about it, remind me and ask me, call me out, and then I'll call you out. I'll remember, because one of mine is sitting right here, all the time, so. Are you down? Do you accept that challenge?

Cortni: 25:08

I'll do it I will blow you up with pictures of all of them then

Ben: 25:12

Alright, she will too. Okay, my phone is It's silenced and ready. Last time someone blew up my phone, I think I was in church. I looked at the first one, I was like, okay, it won't buzz again. And then they're like, oh, here's something else, here's something else. I was like, okay, silent. Okay, well, anything else you want to add before we go?

Cortni: 25:31

I'll read my vision statement if you want

Ben: 25:33

Yes, please.

Cortni: 25:35

Um loves unconditionally listens without judgment encourages and supports his values So because you're kid and you can have totally different values and we often do So rather than force my values on him, I will support and encourage what's important to him.

Ben: 25:55

Yeah, maybe we should talk about values soon.

Cortni: 25:58

I think it would be

Ben: 25:59

next. Okay.

Cortni: 26:01

fast. You chat, GBT say, Hey, chat, GBT. Should we talk about values? Next

Ben: 26:05

Okay, I'll ask you. I'll just be like, ChatGPT, I would like to turn my brain off. Will you please tell me what to do?

Cortni: 26:12

need to be polite and say, Hey, chat, GBT.

Ben: 26:15

You're, you're learning. Thank you. just real quick before we let y'all go, if we were to break those steps down and review them real quickly, step one, brainstorm single words, or maybe two or three word phrases, describe the parent that you want to be, explore what are the things that are important to you. what are times when you and your teen were happy and enjoyed each other? If you can come up with all these one words. In step two, you can start putting those words together and crafting 10 word vision statements. Then step three is you pick one or you craft the one that works for you and you pick that one. I, this is my 10 word vision statement. Step four, once you have identified your 10 word vision statement, write it on. five three by five cards or post it notes and hang it up around the house to help you visualize and have an active reminder. So that's a quick recap just in case someone was like, Hey, you went too fast. I didn't write them all down. There you go. You can write them down. Okay. With that, we're going to let you go. Cortni, thank you for hanging out with me.

Cortni: 27:31

Anytime.

Ben: 27:32

Okay. I'll see you soon. And those of you listening and watching, we'll catch you later.