IMPACT: Parenting with Perspective

Raising Brave Kids in an Anxious World

• Ben Pugh • Episode 268

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What do you do when your child is too scared to go down the big slide?

In this fun episode, I talk with my 10-year-old son about a moment when he felt nervous—and how he learned to be brave. We share a simple trick his mom taught him that helped him face his fear and turn anxiety into excitement.

You’ll hear real stories, lots of laughs, and a powerful lesson you can use with your own kids.

🎧 You’ll learn:

  • Why anxiety and excitement feel the same
  • How to help your child be brave when they’re scared
  • What it means to “flex your brave muscle”

This episode is a great reminder that bravery isn’t about having no fear—it’s about choosing to try anyway.

Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?

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Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
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https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz




Ben:

I'm Ben Pugh and you're listening to IMPACT! Parenting with Perspective. This podcast is all about helping parents manage the mental and emotional drama that comes with parenting teens so they can focus on what's most important. Building rock solid relationships and having a powerful impact on their teen's life. Join me each week as I dive into real tools to help you and your teen turn struggles into strengths.

ben_1_07-16-2025_122731:

All right guys. Welcome back to the podcast. Thank you for being here today. I have a very special guest. He's actually been on my podcast before. How long ago was that? Three years ago. Three years ago. It is a long time. So this is Jackson. He is actually, I should just let you introduce yourself. Jackson, who are you? I'm Jackson. Okay. Tell us a little bit about you. Uh, I like football. Okay. How old are you? Uh, I'm 10. Almost 10. No Dad, it's 10.'cause when this video comes out I'll be 10. Okay. That's probably true. When this comes out he'll be 10. And just the other day he was telling me about something that my wife told him that he said really helped him. The other day, actually, this is a few weeks ago, we were at a waterpark. Jackson. Maybe I should let you tell this story. Uh, I'm good. So we were at a waterpark in Utah called Splash Summit and anybody who grew up in Utah and you haven't been back for a while. This was seven peaks back in the day and my kids always get after me for accidentally calling it seven Peaks still. Anyways, we were at this Park Splash Summit and there were some slides. That I could tell that Jackson wanted to go down, but he wasn't willing to go down the slides. And we went on a Friday and a Saturday. Jackson, how come you wouldn't go down the cool slides on Friday? All right guys. Welcome back to the podcast. Thank you for being here today. I have a very special guest. He's actually been on my podcast before. How long ago was that? Three years ago. Three years ago. It is a long time. So this is Jackson. He is actually, I should just let you introduce yourself. Jackson, who are you? I'm Jackson. Okay. Tell us a little bit about you. Uh, I like football. Okay. How old are you? Uh, I'm 10. Almost 10. No Dad, it's 10.'cause when this video comes out I'll be 10. Okay. That's probably true. When this comes out he'll be 10. And just the other day he was telling me about something that my wife told him that he said really helped him. So Jax be careful with your head. You don't want to hit the mic. Um, anyways. The other day, actually, this is a few weeks ago, we were at a waterpark. Jackson. Maybe I should let you tell this story. Uh, I'm good. So we were at a waterpark in Utah called Splash Summit and this anybody who grew up in Utah and you haven't been back for a while. This was seven peaks back in the day and my kids always get after me for accidentally calling it seven Peaks still. Anyways, we were at this Park Splash Summit and there were some slides. That I could tell that Jackson wanted to go down, but he wasn't willing to go down the slides. And we went on a Friday and a Saturday. Jackson, how come you wouldn't go down the cool slides on Friday? Because they were big. Okay. And what was going on inside? Inside your body. Anxiety. Yeah. He was super, super nervous. Anxious. Anxious. Okay. If you hit any of this, people on the other end will hear it. Oh, so you don't want to flip your mic or the pop filter or anything. Yeah. So he was feeling super anxious, but I think you were a little conflicted. Didn't you want to ride those rides? People can't see you on the podcast. What? They can't, no. They can see you on YouTube, but they can't see you on the podcast. Uh, yes. Yeah. So he wanted to ride those rides, but he was a little scared. Uh, one of them goes almost straight down. Two of them? No, the yellow one doesn't go straight down. No, the blue one. It goes. Yeah. You still haven't done the blue one yet? I will. Okay. So anyways. It was Friday and he ended up not going on the slides that he really wanted to, and we bribed him and we told him all this stuff and. He just wouldn't do it. And then when we left the park and went and stayed with our friends, he's like, man, I wish I would've gone down those slides. And my wife happened to tell him something that later he is like, dad. That really helped me. Like I'm the life coach. I'm the one who's supposed to say inspirational stuff. But no, it was my wife who inspired Young Jackson here. Jackson teach us what mom taught you. Uh, turn anxiety into an excitement. Okay, so turn your anxiety into excitement. How did you even do that? Mm, I didn't do that on free fall. I just wanted to go to Texas Roadhouse. Okay, but how did you, you told me that what mom said actually helped you. How did that help? Um, I turned my anxiety into excitement. Okay. How? Hmm. He doesn't even know how he did it. Um, we talked a little bit about this before in the car. One of the things that a lot of times people don't realize is that anxiety and excitement. Are very, very similar emotions. And one of the things I talk to my football players about all the time before the first game, I'll ask, Hey, how many of you guys are nervous or anxious? It depends on how I'm feeling, which word I use. And usually none of the football players are brave enough to say that they're anxious. They're like, oh, not me. And typically I'll ask a second time and I'll be like, guys. Who here is nervous for our first game? And then I'll raise my hand and then a few more of the kids will raise their hands and I'll explain. Guys, it's okay to be a little bit nervous. All that means is that you care. You are invested. You want to win. You want to play well. That's normal, to be nervous when you are attached to a desired outcome. And that's fine. I would rather you want to win. And be a little bit nervous, then have a kid in who just really doesn't care and therefore isn't nervous at all. And then I go on to teach these players a anxiety and um, excitement. Are basically cousins. They're real similar. They feel the same. Yeah. They're kinda cousins. They feel the same. They're super similar. But what changes is what you focus on. Like you can be excited to play in a game and play really well, and that's exciting, that's fun. Or you can be nervous and be focused on, man, I hope we don't lose, I hope I don't play bad. And when you can simply shift your focus and you can embrace that awkward feeling, like there's a reason, we call it butterflies in your stomach before you went down the. Steep orange slide. Did you feel like you had butterflies in your stomach? Was your stomach feeling nervous and tingly? No. Nothing. The very first time you told me that you felt nervous? No, I didn't remember when we were standing in line. You didn't know this, but I was standing behind you so that you couldn't check it out and run down the stairs. Mm. And I wasn't going to check it out. I know. Okay. So once you turned your nervousness into excitement, what changed? Um. Mom's gonna have to listen to this and cut out all this dead space. What? What? Wait, what? What? She's gonna have to cut out all the time that you spend looking at yourself. Not talking why, but you were talking. Oh, there's a big, long dead space. Well, I was thinking, okay, so what changed when you, I don't know. Uh, I think it was that I, um, decided to go down it. What, what? You were so ready for this podcast, but I feel like you don't know what you wanna say because it's about you. You need to share a time. No, I wanna share your story. Nope. You have to share yours too. Okay. Um, let's see, where was I gonna go with this? Okay. We live in. A society and in a culture where it is normal to be anxious and to use your anxiety as an excuse to not do something. And one of the things that we talk about in our family is flexing your brave muscle. And we like to do things. That's basically what you did when you went down the slide was you flexed your brave muscle. You don't think so. I just wanted to ride it. Okay. But how did shifting your focus from being nervous to being excited change so much? Oh, when, uh, I asked mom if I could have Texas Roadhouse and she said yes, if I ride it. So that's, so you were excited about Texas Roadhouse and the slide. Okay. Now what is your favorite slide? Either jacket edge or free fall. Okay. Both two tall, steep slides. I, yeah, I can't decide which one of those two I like better either. Okay. Well, the reason I brought up flexing your brave muscle, Jackson, if you let your anxiety determine whether or not you went down that slide, would you ever go down the slide? Probably not, because you know why I have like 60 more years in life. Yeah, but if I'm at 80, if every time you were confronted with that slide you felt anxious and you built the habit that when you're anxious or nervous you don't do it, then you would never have done it. Okay. Unc, do you agree with that? Not really. Okay. So when would you have changed your habit? When I got older. Okay. But you would've had to do the exact same process. Do you think someone older who's never gone down that slide would be anxious about it? Hopefully not. Oh, we've seen people in that line that are older, that have never gone down, and they're super nervous. Do you know that People my age get nervous too. No dirt, bro. Yeah. So how do you think you would've just naturally gotten over that? Because I naturally got over roller coaster. The fear of big roller coasters. I don't think so. I think that came after you. No. You don't think it helped that you went down all those slides and you knew that you were brave and that you could do scary rollercoasters. Hmm. That I rode Freefall after I went to Lagoon. Are you sure? No. Yeah. I think you rode Freefall first. Yeah. But at Disneyland I rode in Gran Coaster. Yeah. But you wouldn't ride all the rides. Mm-hmm. Even there was no Scary Rides. The Guardians of the Galaxy. I love that ride. Oh, splash Mountain. I love it. Okay, well, so why were you afraid to ride those two slides? Why wouldn't you ride time traveler at uh, silver Dollar City? Because I was seven. Okay. Are you gonna be able to ride it next time we go? For sure. Are you gonna ride everything full show? Every single thing? Oh no. Not every single thing.'cause I don't wanna have to, I can't ride some rides. Yes you can. No, there that baby swing ride. Okay. Maybe not any of the baby ones. Okay. Do you think this podcast is good enough for people? Yep. Let's watch it. What help does this give parents? If a parent was dealing with a teen that was always anxious or nervous, how is this podcast gonna help'em? Uh, I don't know either. The thing is, if your teenager is letting their anxiety hold them back, if they're letting their anxiety become a crutch, that will always hold them back. Like it's not just going to go away at some point. You have to reprogram. Most people program themselves that when they feel anxious or nervous, they don't do the thing that they're anxious or nervous about. And one of the most powerful things that you can do in your life is to program yourself so that when you are confronted with the thing that. Is nerve wracking and scary that you take action and you do it anyways. And I guarantee you parents, if you're listening to this, there is something in your life that you are still nervous or anxious about, that you could reprogram yourself and you could take some action in that area. Um, I am usually a little bit scared of heights. When we go swimming, I jump off of cliffs. When we go rafting, I jump off of cliffs. I do the highest slides at the waterpark because No you don't. You only do two of the top three highest. Yeah.'cause the other one I hurt my foot when I went down it. Anyways. If you want your teen to stop being held back by their anxiety, be the example, be the change that you wanna see. You can't change your teen, but you can be the change that you want to see. Okay, Jackson, don't, no, don't, don't, don't, don't do that yet. Do not click it. Why? What do you wanna say? Click it. Wait. Should I do it? Sure. Nah, do it. If it sucks, mom will cut it out. I don't think mom will cut it out. Okay. Well Jackson, someone turned me into Lamar Jackson. Edit it. Okay, now you can click it. Bye. Thanks for being on. I love you buddy. Woohoo. Because they were big. Okay. And what was going on inside? Inside your body. Anxiety. Yeah. He was super, super nervous. Anxious. Anxious. Yeah. So he was feeling super anxious, but I think you were a little conflicted. Didn't you want to ride those rides? People can't see you on the podcast. What? They can't, no. They can see you on YouTube, but they can't see you on the podcast. Uh, yes. Yeah. So he wanted to ride those rides, but he was a little scared. Uh, one of them goes almost straight down. Two of them? No, the yellow one doesn't go straight down. No, the blue one. It goes. Yeah. You still haven't done the blue one yet? I will. Okay. So anyways. It was Friday and he ended up not going on the slides that he really wanted to, and we bribed him and we told him all this stuff and. He just wouldn't do it. And then when we left the park and went and stayed with our friends, he's like, man, I wish I would've gone down those slides. And my wife happened to tell him something that later he is like, dad. That really helped me. Like I'm the life coach. I'm the one who's supposed to say inspirational stuff. But no, it was my wife who inspired Young Jackson here. Jackson teach us what mom taught you. Uh, turn anxiety into an excitement. Okay, so turn your anxiety into excitement. How did you even do that? Mm, I didn't do that on free fall. I just wanted to go to Texas Roadhouse. Okay, but how did you, you told me that what mom said actually helped you. How did that help? Um, I turned my anxiety into excitement. Okay. How? Hmm. He doesn't even know how he did it. One of the things that a lot of times people don't realize is that anxiety and excitement. Are very, very similar emotions. And one of the things I talk to my football players about all the time before the first game, I'll ask, Hey, how many of you guys are nervous or anxious? It depends on how I'm feeling, which word I use. And usually none of the football players are brave enough to say that they're anxious. They're like, oh, not me. And typically I'll ask a second time and I'll be like, guys. Who here is nervous for our first game? And then I'll raise my hand and then a few more of the kids will raise their hands and I'll explain. Guys, it's okay to be a little bit nervous. All that means is that you care. You are invested. You want to win. You want to play well. That's normal, to be nervous when you are attached to a desired outcome. And that's fine. I would rather you want to win. And be a little bit nervous, then have a kid in who just really doesn't care and therefore isn't nervous at all. And then I go on to teach these players a anxiety and um, excitement. Are basically cousins. They're real similar. They feel the same. Yeah. They're kinda cousins. They feel the same. They're super similar. But what changes is what you focus on. Like you can be excited to play in a game and play really well, and that's exciting, that's fun. Or you can be nervous and be focused on, man, I hope we don't lose, I hope I don't play bad. And when you can simply shift your focus and you can embrace that awkward feeling, like there's a reason, we call it butterflies in your stomach before you went down the. Steep orange slide. Did you feel like you had butterflies in your stomach? Was your stomach feeling nervous and tingly? No. Nothing. The very first time you told me that you felt nervous? No, I didn't remember when we were standing in line. You didn't know this, but I was standing behind you so that you couldn't check it out and run down the stairs. Mm. And I wasn't going to check it out. I know. Okay. So once you turned your nervousness into excitement, what changed? Um. I don't know. Uh, I think it was that I, um, decided to go down it. Okay. We live in. A society and in a culture where it is normal to be anxious and to use your anxiety as an excuse to not do something. And one of the things that we talk about in our family is flexing your brave muscle. And we like to do things. That's basically what you did when you went down the slide was you flexed your brave muscle. You don't think so. I just wanted to ride it. Okay. But how did shifting your focus from being nervous to being excited change so much? Oh, when, uh, I asked mom if I could have Texas Roadhouse and she said yes, if I ride it. So that's, so you were excited about Texas Roadhouse and the slide. Okay. Now what is your favorite slide? Either jacket edge or free fall. Okay. Both two tall, steep slides. I, yeah, I can't decide which one of those two I like better either. Okay. Well, the reason I brought up flexing your brave muscle, Jackson, if you let your anxiety determine whether or not you went down that slide, would you ever go down the slide? Probably not, because you know why I have like 60 more years in life. Yeah, but if I'm at 80, if every time you were confronted with that slide you felt anxious and you built the habit that when you're anxious or nervous you don't do it, then you would never have done it. Okay. Unc, do you agree with that? Not really. Okay. So when would you have changed your habit? When I got older. Okay. But you would've had to do the exact same process. Do you think someone older who's never gone down that slide would be anxious about it? Hopefully not. Oh, we've seen people in that line that are older, that have never gone down, and they're super nervous. Do you know that People my age get nervous too. No dirt, bro. Yeah. So how do you think you would've just naturally gotten over that? Because I naturally got over roller coaster. The fear of big roller coasters. I don't think so. I think that came after you. No. You don't think it helped that you went down all those slides and you knew that you were brave and that you could do scary rollercoasters. Hmm. That I rode Freefall after I went to Lagoon. Are you sure? No. Yeah. I think you rode Freefall first. Yeah. But at Disneyland I rode in Gran Coaster. Yeah. But you wouldn't ride all the rides. Mm-hmm. Even there was no Scary Rides. The Guardians of the Galaxy. I love that ride. Oh, splash Mountain. I love it. Okay, well, so why were you afraid to ride those two slides? Why wouldn't you ride time traveler at uh, silver Dollar City? Because I was seven. Okay. Are you gonna be able to ride it next time we go? For sure. Are you gonna ride everything full show? Every single thing? Oh no. Not every single thing.'cause I don't wanna have to, I can't ride some rides. Yes you can. No, there that baby swing ride. Okay. Maybe not any of the baby ones. Okay. Do you think this podcast is good enough for people? Yep. Let's watch it. What help does this give parents? If a parent was dealing with a teen that was always anxious or nervous, how is this podcast gonna help'em? Uh, I don't know either. The thing is, if your teenager is letting their anxiety hold them back, if they're letting their anxiety become a crutch, that will always hold them back. Like it's not just going to go away at some point. You have to reprogram. Most people program themselves that when they feel anxious or nervous, they don't do the thing that they're anxious or nervous about. And one of the most powerful things that you can do in your life is to program yourself so that when you are confronted with the thing that. Is nerve wracking and scary that you take action and you do it anyways. And I guarantee you parents, if you're listening to this, there is something in your life that you are still nervous or anxious about, that you could reprogram yourself and you could take some action in that area. Um, I am usually a little bit scared of heights. When we go swimming, I jump off of cliffs. When we go rafting, I jump off of cliffs. I do the highest slides at the waterpark because No you don't. You only do two of the top three highest. Yeah.'cause the other one I hurt my foot when I went down it. Anyways. If you want your teen to stop being held back by their anxiety, be the example, be the change that you wanna see. You can't change your teen, but you can be the change that you want to see. Okay, Jackson, Bye. Thanks for being on. I love you buddy. Woohoo.