What A Christmas Carol Teaches About Parenting Teens

What if your teen isn’t the problem?

In this Christmas episode, Ben shares a powerful lesson from A Christmas Carol. Scrooge wasn’t a bad man—he was a wounded one. The same is often true for parents. When teens trigger us, it’s usually a sign that there’s healing work to do inside ourselves.

This episode will help you parent with more clarity, compassion, and confidence—starting with you.

Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?

Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.

Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.

https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz

Transcript

Ben: 0:00

I'm Ben Pugh and you're listening to IMPACT! Parenting with Perspective. This podcast is all about helping parents manage the mental and emotional drama that comes with parenting teens so they can focus on what's most important. Building rock solid relationships and having a powerful impact on their teen's life. Join me each week as I dive into real tools to help you and your teen turn struggles into strengths.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 0:32

Merry Christmas. if you're listening to this podcast after Christmas, you can still listen to it. This is gonna be quick, brief, short, but awesome. This is the podcast that like this year, Christmas lands on a Thursday, and I still wanted to give you a Christmas present. Actually, I just wanted to give you a podcast episode, but today we're gonna call it a Christmas present. Merry Christmas. Thank you.

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 1:01

Yeah.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 1:02

Yeah, thank you for spending your Christmas with me and Cortni. Cortni is at home today. Good job and not really, we're recording this. Oh, this is getting deep. This is meta. We are thinking about your future self right now and where you are on Christmas. Even though at the time of this recording, you are not there on Christmas. This is like the power of a Christmas carol in our real life. That's awesome.

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 1:32

Yeah. Where do you think I'll be on when this podcast comes out?

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 1:36

Montana.

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 1:38

I guess you'll have to stay tuned to find out.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 1:40

Wait, you're not gonna tell me or what?

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 1:44

know where I'll be on Christmas. It's the future.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 1:47

I know where I'll be right here. Sitting at my desk. No, I'll be over by the tree. Okay, corn. Let us talk about one of my all time favorite books. A Christmas Carol.

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 2:06

Okay.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 2:06

Now, did you tell me you have never read this book? I

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 2:10

I have never read the book. I think when I was a child. I might have watched the cartoon version.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 2:17

like with Mickey Mouse.

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 2:18

Yeah, that one. Yeah.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 2:20

Yeah, that one's awesome. I love that one. Nice.

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 2:23

ago.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 2:23

Yeah. Okay, awesome. So I love a Christmas Carol, and this will come as no surprise to you, but after reading it this time, I was like, man, there's still things that I don't understand. That's not the thing that you won't find a surprise. The thing that you won't be shocked by is I went to Chad GPT and I was like, dude. I just read a Christmas Carol. I've read it lots of times and basically there are things that I still don't understand. Can you help clarify some of the things? And it was really cool to have chat GPT be like, yeah, here are some common misunderstandings when it comes to a Christmas Carol. I don't think I really learned anything. Super new. I think I might read it one more time and just go through it and be like, what in the crap does this mean? Because it does use some old language that we don't use. But this year reading it, I really noticed something very different. you haven't read it yet, so I just want to ask, how would you define. The character of Scrooge? Like in the beginning? no. Just what would you call him or what type of character would you say that he is?

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 3:47

I just remember him being like a grumpy old duck. yeah, just like angry.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 3:53

Yeah. Okay, good. I can't wait till you read this. in a lot of books or not books, in a lot of adaptations of the book, they treat Scrooge as. This villain, like he's the bad guy and then he changes. And by the end, now he's a good guy. The thing that I really noticed this year, Scrooge was not a bad guy. He was someone dealing with trauma and pain, and he was just showing up being what he thought was the best he could be, and it wasn't. Until he went through this process of self-reflection that he healed from those previous wounds and saw the person that he always wanted to be, and got back in line with that. Cortni, as you read it, like really pay attention, where do we get a hint of some of the wounds that he experienced as a child in his past that kinda led to him being this grumpy old? Man that most people saw as a villain. Just seeing it on the surface.

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 5:07

Okay, I will, by the way, it's free on Audible,

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 5:12

Yeah.

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 5:12

Curry version,

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 5:13

Oh, nice.

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 5:15

recommended.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 5:16

I think they rotate which one? I think maybe they're all free this time of year, but yeah. There's also one by Hugh Grant. He was not my favorite. And there's a few other ones, but I really like the Tim Curry one. He does a good job and it's only like two and a half, three hours. I never know really how long books are,'cause I listen to him on like double or two and a half speed. But it's a very good book. the other thing that I really noticed, like I've had a little more empathy for screws this year. When we think about Scrooge, we think about like being grumpy and selfish.'cause that was one of the underlying tones. Like he was selfish. He wouldn't give things. And I watched, I saw a video recently on social media, and it's like, Scrooge wasn't like a hypocrite. Like he wasn't asking other people to do something that he himself wasn't willing to do. There's a part in the book where they're like in the office and it's super cold. His clerk is really cold, but he's also cold, like he doesn't wanna waste money buying coal. He is a cheapskate, but he is not like saying. I think everyone should do this, and yet he's outliving this lavish life like he is just being screwed. What he thought was the very best version of himself. But the other thing that really stuck out to me this time, Cortni, pay attention also as you read this, to how the ghosts speak to Scrooge and see if you can catch them in really good coaching moments. Okay.

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 7:06

Okay.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 7:07

There are some times where the ghosts ask Scrooge a question. They know darn what the answer is, and they're just asking so that Scrooge has to explore. Like, I don't know what is the answer here? Spoiler. I use that trick on my teens all the time. If you can start asking your kids powerful questions that will invite them to. Think on a deeper level and man, this year I really appreciated like it felt like all three of those ghosts were ninja level life coaches. Just helping Scrooge navigate his past, his present, and the future. It is awesome. I love the book. If you haven't read it, guys, and you're disappointed with all the gifts that your kids didn't give you, give yourself the gift of a Christmas Carol. It's free on Audible.

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 8:06

Okay, so the Go share wisdom, I.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 8:10

I love the book A Christmas Carol. I have probably been listening to that for like the past seven or eight years. And the cool thing is the first time you read it, it is gonna be hard to understand because it was written like 200 years ago. The more you read it, the more things just sink in and it just makes sense. But the cool thing is every year. It brings me to tears and it inspires me to be a better man. And like we said last week, the real underlying factor. Yeah, we talk about parenting, but if you want to be a better parent, do the work that you have to do that is all within you to be the best person that you can be. And it's a shame that. A Christmas Carol is a Christmas book so that we only read it once a year. Like I probably read Frigging Leadership and Self-Deception more than I read that one. Just'cause I read it multiple times throughout the year. I can read it in the spring, in the fall, whatever. But it has powerful concepts. And the truth is the way you perceive your reality right now and who you are. Is very heavily dependent on your past and who you were, and to some extent, you need to go understand some of these things that happened to you in the past. Take some time to heal that. Even though you're living in the present moment, you can mentally and emotionally go back in time and heal those wounds to help you better be the person that you want to be. The good news is, especially for life coaches like me, like you can mentally and emotionally go back in time and heal a wound, and it's awesome, but there's probably other wounds and once you start addressing these and really showing up to be the mom or be the dad that you want to be, your life is going to start showing you like, Hey, here's a weakness. If your teen is just pushing all the right buttons and driving you crazy, guess what? That is an indicator that there is an area of healing and growth. And one of the things, so I asked chat, GPT, help me understand this. One of the cool things that it said to me is like, at Christmas, Carol isn't this book about this bad person who has a change of heart and becomes a good person? Christmas. Carol is about a guy who's doing his best, goes back in time through the help of these ghosts, heals some wounds, and is now free to be the person that he wants to be.'cause he is. I let the chains, sometimes I don't even know how he's like loose his shackles, whatever the heck that means. Cornea will make fun of me for that later, but.

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 11:22

No shackles is, that's what they call it. I think I would've known what you were talking about.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 11:26

Okay, good. Yeah, so he loosened his shackles. Now I sound smart, but as you read the book, really explore where do I need to heal? Where can I set myself free from old limiting beliefs, from old hurts and pains from old habits? And I promise you like. Start now in one year. I promise you, if you make an intentional effort to be the person that you want to be when we have this conversation again next year, because I think I talk about a Christmas Carol every single year on my podcast, which is why it's so disappointing that Cortni has yet to listen to me and actually read it. But this year's the year, guys, keep our fingers crossed. Yes.

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 12:18

you haven't told me as many times as leadership and self deception, so

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 12:21

That is true.

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 12:22

and I'll get, I'll do it. I have some time over the break. I will make sure I do it.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 12:27

Here's what I know is gonna happen, and this will sound really familiar. Cortni, you're gonna read this book, then what's gonna happen? You already know the ending. You're chuckling.

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 12:41

Probably. You might be right. I don't know. We'll see.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 12:44

Yeah. Then she's gonna send me a text with like a mind blown emoji and be like, Ben, this changes everything.

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 12:52

That's what I needed to hear. I won't be surprised.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 12:57

The cool thing is if we were to get a little bit spiritual for just a minute, I believe that. The physical body, like this meat suit that we're all in is very governed by the laws of time. Like physically. There's no going back in time. We're on a one-way train just heading into the future spiritually, which should probably be more on the mental and emotional side. I don't think we're bound by the same rules and laws of time. You can mentally go back in time. Like I remember specifically doing this, I remember getting in a lot of trouble as a very young child and seriously feeling like nobody loved me. Like there were times where like I was a hard child. I understand this. And like my grandma would be like, I'll take a turn with Ben. But she just treated me so nice. She loved me and she knew I was gonna get my butt kicked at home for being a knucklehead. Anyways, I remember a specific moment where like, I just felt like no one in the world loved me. And I was like, why am I even here? And I was probably only like six or seven kids used it, six, seven. Anyways,

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 14:20

boy.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 14:21

I know I, when I learned about the. Eternal nature of like the mind and your emotions and the spirit. The person teaching me was like, yeah, you could totally go back in time as the grownup version of you and give that 6-year-old version of you the love that he needs and let him know like, dude, you are not alone. In fact, this life is awesome and you are gonna be pretty freaking bad a when you grow up. So you got. Things to look forward to anyways, I remember doing that and it completely changed how I remember that experience, and it is like it helped me go back in time and heal that emotional wound that I've been carrying around forever. It doesn't make it magically just change and disappear, but it changes the context of that experience. Now, rather than being a rock, I carry around on a backpack that's super heavy. That's like this powerful experience where I understand the spiritual power that I have to go back and heal myself and to look forward into the future and take calculated. Like last week we talked about building traditions that fill the holes. Like I can look to my future self. I know like that dude is healthy, he's wealthy, he is known for how generous he is and how much he loves to help people. When I can travel to the future and see that inspires me. Like, man, this is who I need to be today so that I can be that in the future. You don't have to go through what Scrooge did where it's like, man, I have a real rotten apple here if I continue to live this way. Here's all the bad. You can look to the future and see all the good that you wanna create. Okay, Cortni, like 10 things I said there. Had you gig WhatsApp?

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 16:27

I don't even remember.'cause there you just use really good, you choose, your verbiage is amazing to describe things. A rotten apple, like I never would've. It makes sense, but yeah, quick-witted.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 16:42

Oh, thank you. And I always have to keep in mind that my podcast is G rated, so I have to, I can't call Scrooge whatever I want. I gotta stick with the G rating,

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 16:53

So Scrooge goes back in his past and then do they visit the present in the future?

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 16:59

You're gonna have to read the book. Oh,

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 17:01

But

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 17:01

like LaVar Burton.

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 17:03

we can still talk about it because it's not gonna ruin the book for me. There's, I'm sure so much more to unpack than what you could spill here today.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 17:13

So

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 17:13

So when he goes, like, when they do the future part. Do they show him what he will end up if he carries on the path that he's on?

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 17:24

basically, but they do it really creatively.

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 17:28

Okay.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 17:30

And like just pay attention when you get to that part. So there's three ghosts. Technically he was visited by four ghosts, Jacob Marley, his old buddy that was just as grumpy and crotchety as he as Scrooge. And then ghost number one takes him to the past ghost. Number two, helps him explore the present and ghost. Number three takes him to the future. And there's a dead person in the future that they never call him by name. But it's really cool the different names that they use for this dead person. Like people talking about, I'm like, oh, old scratch is dead. what a scratch sound like Scrooge. Or, oh, the old screw is dead. Like what a screw sound like screws like. And he is oblivious. He is like, who is that dead person? Who like I need to know who is it? It's, I can't wait for you to read the seriously. You're gonna read the book and we're gonna have to do a post

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 18:35

Christmas

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 18:36

Christmas podcast. It'll come out on New Year's Eve where we talk about how this book changed your life. So all of you guys who listen to this over Christmas will probably unpack it. Will you have time between Christmas and New Year's?

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 18:52

Yeah, I should, especially if your prediction is right for my future and I'm a Montana.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 19:00

I might be right. What if I'm the ghost of Christmas future?

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 19:04

Oh. Okay.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 19:07

Okay, now there's one glaring difference between me and the ghost in Christmas. Future

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 19:13

Did he not have

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 19:13

here. No, he didn't speak. and I talk a lot.

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 19:21

yes.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 19:22

Did he not have hair? I'm losing my hair.

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 19:26

was. I, yeah. Once I said that, I was like, oh, I probably could have picked something different. But

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 19:32

Yeah. So

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 19:33

with it.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 19:33

he doesn't speak as much as I do. Any other spoiler questions that you'd like me to give away?

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 19:40

no, but just I was wanting to know more about how someone could hear that this book could relate. I know you were talking about looking back at past traumas or situations from the past and how it impacts who you are and how you are now, but no, I just wanted a little bit more information'cause I really didn't remember much.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 20:02

Yeah.

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 20:02

anything about this, the movie or the book.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 20:06

One of the cool things, so I have talked about this a few times. I injured my back recently. One of the exercises that they have me do doesn't even feel like it's actually doing anything. Like they have me either lay or sit in a certain position and breathe in a certain way that indicates to my body like, Hey, you're safe. You can experience a little bit of physical pain, but you're safe. Let's lean into the pain and breathe into the pain and show your body. We can experience this, we can move past it because what happens physically, like for me personally, like I have experienced some injuries with my back and my back's like, Ooh, don't do that again.'cause that really hurts. And so your back stops functioning properly because it's like, don't do that, don't do that, don't do that. And so your back just, it's very limited on how it can move and behave and function. Part of this thing is me literally training my back. Like, no, we can still do that. It's okay for it to hurt. We're safe. Go ahead and turn some of these systems back on that are functioning for me. What Scrooge went through was like, Hey, you are a wealthy old man and you're not gonna starve to death what you are afraid of happening. Based on what happened in the past, like we can go back and fix that and we can teach you like, Hey, it's okay to experience pain and loss and loneliness. Now that you can experience those, let's move forward. Let's experience some of these other emotions. And in my coaching program, one of the things that I teach is about emotional health. That's the ability to experience any and all emotions. A lot of people seriously try and avoid specific emotions, and they don't realize that is a lack of emotional health. You have to be able to feel the fear to be able to also experience confidence. You have to experience sadness to also be able to experience happiness. it's a good book. I now can't wait till our next podcast.

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 22:34

I promise I'll read it

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 22:36

Awesome. Okay. You heard it guys. Cortni, there's one thing about her. She might not always be on time to the podcast, but if she says she's gonna read something, she will read it eventually. No.

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 22:51

eventually. Yes.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 22:54

I should be nicer to you. We're gonna we're gonna get Mel. That's like Ben, you are always picking on Cortni. And to which I'll,

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 23:03

hurt my feelings. I'm not a victim

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 23:06

Cortni always mocking me. No,

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 23:09

trust that I will get you back. It's, I'm not worried about it.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 23:14

well.

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 23:15

That's why I put in my song. We're like brother and sister, like

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 23:18

I know.

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 23:19

poke at me and I poke at you like that. It just reminds me of siblings. So bring it.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 23:25

Yeah. Uh, Cortni reminds me of one of those annoying little siblings. No, I'm just joking.

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 23:32

I'll wear it with pride.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 23:35

Okay. before we let you guys go, I do want to wish you a heartfelt Merry Christmas. I love that you're here. I love that you listen to this podcast. I love that I get to hang out with Cortni. When she shows up. But, as always, guys, if you are looking for help in your life, I do have, I don't have many coaching slots available. my teenage slots are very limited since they have to be after school. But if you have a team that can meet during the day, that frees things up a lot. And if your. Is reluctant to getting help. Remember, you can get coaching too. Don't just show up hoping that I can fix your team. Be willing to do the work yourself. And maybe one of these days I can convince Cortni to come coach with me.

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 24:30

Maybe.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 24:30

see. Maybe I'll have to like hold her kids hostage or something. Except for she'll be like, oh yeah, thanks. You can keep for another. you'll, I always tell my kid, I'm like, dude, I'm not worried about you getting kidnapped because you'll, they'll probably bring you right back.

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 24:47

stop. My grandpa, my papa said that all the time. And I say that to my kids,

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 24:52

Yeah. It's like

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 24:53

not very good, but.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 24:54

when you ask him like. No, can I eat only this specific food? Like they're gonna be fed up with you. They'll bring you right back. hey, everyone, Merry Christmas. We will see you again on New Year's Eve and we will probably wait New Year's Day. Sorry, new Year's Day is Christmas, but we'll probably be debriefing after Cortni reads a Christmas Carol. And then we'll just take you into the new year with confidence.

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 25:22

Yep. Merry Christmas.

ben_3_12-12-2025_120013: 25:25

See you, Cortni.

tardy-for-the-party_3_12-12-2025_130014: 25:27

Bye.